Elderly Mom Guilt Trips

by Glenn
(North Carolina)

My mom is 80.

Moved cross country two years ago to be closer.

I have a great deal of angst over what I perceive as passive-aggressive guilt trips directed toward me.

We recently spent a long weekend together visiting a relative out of state. The day after we returned was Memorial Day.

I was dog tired after the trip. My wife decided last minute to invite her parents over for lunch. I did not invite my mom thinking we had just spent three days together and I was very tired. We had a short lunch, socialized a bit and my in-laws left. They were here all of two hours.

When I spoke with my mom later that day (I call to check on her every day) she asked what we did that day and I told her. She immediately got very quiet and ended the conversation quickly.

The next day she didn't take my call. My anxiety immediately kicked in as I knew I would be in store for a few more days of P-A comments and examples of how other families spend every holiday together.

We spoke the next day and the dialog switched to veiled comments suggesting my wife punishes her by not including her in some things. To be clear, my mom is involved in every major holiday, birthday, life event, etc.

She doesn't drive much so I pick her up and drive her home every time. I don't mind as I love my mother very much. I do anything and everything she asks of me in terms of small chores, coordinating heavier work, etc.

As mentioned before I call her every day and visit her at her home for an hour or two one day a week.

Am I wrong for not including her in every single lunch, dinner or get together?

This particular lunch was just me, my wife and my in-laws. Thanks!

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