Parents need help

I feel my parents are in need of daily help: medication administration, preparing meals, etc.

They however feel as though they are fine as they are. When will I know it's time to intervene regardless of their desire for Independence?

I don't want a crisis to happen before they will let me help.

Comments for Parents need help

Click here to add your own comments

I hope this helps NEW
by: Jeremy Jardinel

This is one of the hardest positions to be in as an adult child because you can see what they cannot or will not see yet. A few signs that usually mean it is time to step in regardless of their wishes are missed medications, unexplained weight loss, unpaid bills piling up, or close calls like a minor fall or a forgotten stove burner. Before it reaches crisis point it is also worth framing help as something you are doing together rather than something being done to them, since most parents resist help when it feels like a loss of control but respond better when they feel like they are still making the decisions. Starting small with just one thing like a meal delivery service or a weekly check-in from a home care aide is usually less threatening than a full conversation about needing daily assistance.

I got most of my references here:
https://hopebridge.care/how-adult-children-monitor-parents-medication-use/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geriatrics
https://www.msdmanuals.com/home/older-people-s-health-issues/aging-and-medications/aging-and-medications

by: Kevin

Ah yes, this is a difficult one. It is likely different depending on the country you live in and the laws, but - even if you wanted to - it is essentially not possible to force your parents to accept help. It is very difficult for a person to be deemed incapable of making their own decisions and this is the only way these types of decisions can be made on their behalf.

So, you can just continue to keep an open discussion with them about it - encouraging without pushing too hard, as we know this often backfires! Maybe let them know your boundaries if you are providing care a paid caregiver should be doing; that you cannot do this long term. Also, you might ask a social worker to assist with this discussion if it is difficult.

It is great to be proactive but it is a fine dance, for sure! Respecting a person's choice to live at risk can be the hardest thing for any family member.

Good luck with this and let us know if you come up with anything that works well with your folks.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Taking Care of Elderly Parents.

Return to Caring for Aging Parents